I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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