im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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