hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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