I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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