Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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