you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
