I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
