does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
