i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
