Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
