I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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