Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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