Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
