i wish starbucks made bloody marys
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
