A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
