Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
