smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
