Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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