i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
