Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
