i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
