It's Friday. Sex?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
