My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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