I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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