Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
