i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
