We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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