Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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