I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did i walk over a car last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
