do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
