I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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