Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
