Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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