And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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