I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
