Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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