whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
