You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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