we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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