i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
