I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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