thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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