What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
