Welp...herpes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
