She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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