Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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