Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
