sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
