I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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