So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
