Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
