Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
